Arrogance

For the past year or so, I have really felt like God has wanted more from me. It's the same feeling you get when you've forgotten to do something important, like pack your kid's lunch for school. It's just an uneasiness in the pit of your stomach. So, in November I began asking God to use me and I really started desiring to devote my life to Him.

 One night in service the preacher suggested we ask God to reveal any sin still in us that would hinder us from being used. I prayed expectantly, but nothing was brought to my attention that night. A few nights later my oldest son was asking me questions about the Holy Spirit. After going over salvation (again, just to be sure!) I prayed that he would be filled with the Holy Spirit. During our prayer, I asked again that God would show us our sins (for Austin's sake, I thought).

During this time I had moved to a different school and wasn't feeling very welcomed by the staff. I had decided it was just because I had filled the position one of the girls wanted. Anyway, a few days after praying with Austin I was at work and  feeling again like they just hated me. I got really upset. I was upset about all of it; the dramatic decrease in pay, the feeling of starting over at the bottom, and most of all, thought of being a freakin lunch lady. I called my personal prayer warrior (I highly recommend having one of these!) and after speaking with her realized that most people DON"T like me. It seems like everywhere I go there's conflict.....I should have known where this was going. She suggested it might be something I'm doing (yeah, right) so I asked her to pray with me, that if it IS me (cause it's not) God would show me.

As soon as I went back into the building the word "arrogance" came to me. No, that's not it. My mind must have been wandering. Besides, I had always struggled with self esteem issues and I had this desire in me to help people. Arrogant people don't HELP people! But then I was told (I guess, cause it wasn't me) all the ways I had been arrogant. Hmm, lets see if I can remember......controlling, impatient, quick tempered, emotionally detached, overly opinionated, flaky, lethargic, and so on. Suddenly, it was all so clear! God is so good! I prayed against it that night and felt sooo released. I had been corrected, but instead of feeling hurt or angry I felt love and mercy! I was reminded of Paul in Romans 8:1, there is no condemnation in Christ! I urge you to read Romans chapters 7 & 8. They have always been favorites of mine, now even more so.

 We try to hold on to our personalities and serve God, but what we don't realize is that we are really holding on to our sinful natures. God didn't create me to be an angry, selfish, control freak! This is why we have to crucify the flesh/die to self. We can't serve Him and still be controlled by sin. All that is good in me comes from Him. I get it now, and I am so thankful that He showed me who I really was and why it was so wrong. I could go into more detail, but that about sums it up. If you ever feel like there's a blockage between you and God I totally recommend praying that same prayer. He has truly changed my heart. Oh, and in case you're wondering work has been great ever since.