So, I know it's been a long time since I posted anything. A lot has happened these past few months. My husband didn't get the job we were praying for, and by then I was so certain that I didn't want my kids going to public school that I quit my BEAUTIFUL job being a lunch lady and went back to the job I had before. I. panicked.
I did pray about going back (by 'pray' I mean, I said a quick prayer right before I called) but never 'heard' a response. I determined after speaking with the Director of Operations that God had answered me due to a manager putting in her notice just hours before I called. I waited about a week before ending my employment at the school...praying the whole time that God would tell me if what I was doing was outside of His will for me. Nothing...except a small knot in my stomach.
I started the last week of July and quickly enrolled my kids in a Christian school. Work was hard. I was in a new environment with new people...though I love them now. I was given the task of 'turning the store around' which interpreted means 'living at the store'. I worked 55+ hours a week and was so burdened by the poor performance of our location and the lost time with my boys that I could almost feel a physical weight on top of me. Worse than that, my boys were miserable at the school. My husband and I had already developed certain concerns ourselves about the school. So, after long talks with the boys, we sent them back to public school...which brings me to the point of this post. Who is in control of your life?
Do we REALLY trust God?? Sure, I spent a whole year following after Him and trying to serve Him, but did I really give Him control of my life? Control over my future and the future of my children? Did I doubt Him? Do you? NO WAY....right? <----that's my first response...but then again...
Sometimes it seems we are so aware of who we were (before Christ came into our lives) and what we still struggle with that we don't believe we are 'good enough' for God to use. Our own hearts condemn us. We are still living under 'the LAW' when our faith in Jesus is what makes us holy and what makes us able to stand before the Father clean and righteous! Why do we let our lack of 'self-esteem' in Christ affect how we walk with Him? We read in the Bible how God used flawed people. We read how He got glory out of dire situations. We see how His Spirit moved within and through His people. Do you believe He would do those same things for you....through you? It's NOT about US....I keep having to remind myself that!
So, I have learned a few things....
1. Sometimes God answers you in a direct way. Sometimes He gives you a 'knot in your stomach' or a sense of what He wants you to do....it's a gut thang
2. We can not fail Him if His Spirit is in us. If we make a mistake...no matter how big...He will still love us. We repent and He is still holy, full of glory and blessing, which is passed on to us through His Holy Spirit...wow...that's deep.
3. He can use us for His purposes no matter where we are in life. We are called to be a vessel. It doesn't matter where you put the vessel, it doesn't change what it is!
I love how God can reveal Himself even more to us and draw us even closer to Himself through our big screw ups! Thank you Lord for your Amazing Grace!
