So, I know it's been a long time since I posted anything. A lot has happened these past few months. My husband didn't get the job we were praying for, and by then I was so certain that I didn't want my kids going to public school that I quit my BEAUTIFUL job being a lunch lady and went back to the job I had before. I. panicked.
I did pray about going back (by 'pray' I mean, I said a quick prayer right before I called) but never 'heard' a response. I determined after speaking with the Director of Operations that God had answered me due to a manager putting in her notice just hours before I called. I waited about a week before ending my employment at the school...praying the whole time that God would tell me if what I was doing was outside of His will for me. Nothing...except a small knot in my stomach.
I started the last week of July and quickly enrolled my kids in a Christian school. Work was hard. I was in a new environment with new people...though I love them now. I was given the task of 'turning the store around' which interpreted means 'living at the store'. I worked 55+ hours a week and was so burdened by the poor performance of our location and the lost time with my boys that I could almost feel a physical weight on top of me. Worse than that, my boys were miserable at the school. My husband and I had already developed certain concerns ourselves about the school. So, after long talks with the boys, we sent them back to public school...which brings me to the point of this post. Who is in control of your life?
Do we REALLY trust God?? Sure, I spent a whole year following after Him and trying to serve Him, but did I really give Him control of my life? Control over my future and the future of my children? Did I doubt Him? Do you? NO WAY....right? <----that's my first response...but then again...
Sometimes it seems we are so aware of who we were (before Christ came into our lives) and what we still struggle with that we don't believe we are 'good enough' for God to use. Our own hearts condemn us. We are still living under 'the LAW' when our faith in Jesus is what makes us holy and what makes us able to stand before the Father clean and righteous! Why do we let our lack of 'self-esteem' in Christ affect how we walk with Him? We read in the Bible how God used flawed people. We read how He got glory out of dire situations. We see how His Spirit moved within and through His people. Do you believe He would do those same things for you....through you? It's NOT about US....I keep having to remind myself that!
So, I have learned a few things....
1. Sometimes God answers you in a direct way. Sometimes He gives you a 'knot in your stomach' or a sense of what He wants you to do....it's a gut thang
2. We can not fail Him if His Spirit is in us. If we make a mistake...no matter how big...He will still love us. We repent and He is still holy, full of glory and blessing, which is passed on to us through His Holy Spirit...wow...that's deep.
3. He can use us for His purposes no matter where we are in life. We are called to be a vessel. It doesn't matter where you put the vessel, it doesn't change what it is!
I love how God can reveal Himself even more to us and draw us even closer to Himself through our big screw ups! Thank you Lord for your Amazing Grace!
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Friday, June 17, 2011
The Way
So, life has been a little uncertain lately...to say the least. This was my last week of working, for possibly a couple of months, so we've been a bit worried about our finances. We have been in the hole anyway since I left my other job back in August. So, finances... BAD.
I guess I could get discouraged. I could worry and stress over the uncertainty that we are facing. I could doubt my calling....tried that a few times....but God just won't let me! He keeps giving me affirmation and encouragement. He puts people and conversations in my life that just reiterates what He has already put in my heart. He amazes me.
I was praying yesterday and thinking about the feeling of hopelessness that so many face. I have felt that hopelessness, and depression too at times. It seems like you're lost and you can't find a way out. Like every decision you have made in life was the wrong one. You come to a point where you can't see life getting better. You can't see yourself without the weight of your worries. You don't even want to try anymore. You want someone to tell you what to do...which way to go....Jesus is the way. He is truth. He is life.
John 14:1-6
KJV
1Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
4And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.
5Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?
6Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
He came not only to save us, though that would have been enough, but also to give us a full life. People seek after money, fame, and everything else the world has to offer. But what they really desire, that emptiness they try all their life to fill, is love. God's love.
John 10:9-11
Jesus speaking:9I am the door. Anyone who comes in through me will be saved. He will go in and out as he wants to, and will have food to eat.
10The thief comes only to steal the sheep and to kill them and spoil them. I have come so that people may live and that they may enjoy life to the full.
11`I am the good shepherd. I am the one who really cares for the sheep. The good shepherd is willing to die to save his sheep.
Now, I'm not saying that following Him is always going to be easy. I know I screw up a lot of times. I hate that I fail Him. But it's not about me and my short comings. It's about Him and the love that He has put in our hearts. He loves us...even when we're hopelessly lost.
Romans 5:6-8
NLT
6 When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. 7 Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. 8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
If you are hurting, He wants to comfort you. If you need direction, he wants to guide you through. He has a plan for your life. He has a purpose for you. Call on Him, He will be faithful to answer you and show you great things that you didn't know.
*If you need prayer, I will pray for you. If you need a bible, I will send you one. gh_fleming@yahoo.com
I guess I could get discouraged. I could worry and stress over the uncertainty that we are facing. I could doubt my calling....tried that a few times....but God just won't let me! He keeps giving me affirmation and encouragement. He puts people and conversations in my life that just reiterates what He has already put in my heart. He amazes me.
I was praying yesterday and thinking about the feeling of hopelessness that so many face. I have felt that hopelessness, and depression too at times. It seems like you're lost and you can't find a way out. Like every decision you have made in life was the wrong one. You come to a point where you can't see life getting better. You can't see yourself without the weight of your worries. You don't even want to try anymore. You want someone to tell you what to do...which way to go....Jesus is the way. He is truth. He is life.
John 14:1-6
KJV
1Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2In my Father's house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
4And whither I go ye know, and the way ye know.
5Thomas saith unto him, Lord, we know not whither thou goest; and how can we know the way?
6Jesus saith unto him, I am the way, the truth, and the life: no man cometh unto the Father, but by me.
He came not only to save us, though that would have been enough, but also to give us a full life. People seek after money, fame, and everything else the world has to offer. But what they really desire, that emptiness they try all their life to fill, is love. God's love.
John 10:9-11
Worldwide English (New Testament)
Jesus speaking:
10The thief comes only to steal the sheep and to kill them and spoil them. I have come so that people may live and that they may enjoy life to the full.
11`I am the good shepherd. I am the one who really cares for the sheep. The good shepherd is willing to die to save his sheep.
Now, I'm not saying that following Him is always going to be easy. I know I screw up a lot of times. I hate that I fail Him. But it's not about me and my short comings. It's about Him and the love that He has put in our hearts. He loves us...even when we're hopelessly lost.
Romans 5:6-8
NLT
6 When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. 7 Now, most people would not be willing to die for an upright person, though someone might perhaps be willing to die for a person who is especially good. 8 But God showed his great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners.
If you are hurting, He wants to comfort you. If you need direction, he wants to guide you through. He has a plan for your life. He has a purpose for you. Call on Him, He will be faithful to answer you and show you great things that you didn't know.
*If you need prayer, I will pray for you. If you need a bible, I will send you one. gh_fleming@yahoo.com
Thursday, June 9, 2011
A Leader and a Servant
I love my boys. As I listened to them argue, and play, and argue some more, I was thinking about how different their personalities are. I believe God used that tonight to make a point...
Austin is my leader. He is SO confident and strong willed. We have a bit harder of a time with him because he doesn't ever just accept a thought or rule. He wants to know WHY. Though this can be annoying at times, I am thankful that he wants to view all the facts before he decides to believe or do something. He doesn't just take your word for it, in fact, it seems you are automatically wrong until you prove yourself right.
I love his passion. When he has an interest in a subject he will research and learn as much about it as he can. Even if he is mocked by his friends for his interests, he stays committed. He has told me on occasion that he gets made fun of sometimes at school for being a christian....*note- he is NOT a quiet christian. He takes it in stride and says while he doesn't like it, he believes they are not just mocking him, but God as well. He strives to lead by example, especially when it comes to his faith. Recently we had an incident where one of his teachers accused him of lying in class when he said his throat was sore. He came home steaming. After a loooong conversation he admitted that he was most upset because he tries so hard to be a good witness for his faith and he felt this undermined all his efforts.....is that a 'works' message there? hmm...
He is my little defender. He has made it a point at school to befriend those that don't 'fit in' and doesn't hesitate to come to their aid if one is being picked on. He stands up for the underdog and is committed to help them as much as he can.
Xander is my joyful servant. He loves everybody...really. He has the most sincere heart I have every seen. When you're happy, he's happy. When your sad or hurting, he's sad too. His favorite song is thief by Third Day. The first time he heard the song, however, we were in the car. I had to stop the car and console him. Recently at church he began to cry as the singers sang Amazing Grace. He has such a tender heart.
He desires to be good and strives to be helpful. He is obedient and seems to flourish in structured environments. He considers everyone his friend. He has so much love in that little heart of his. His prayers at night consists of him asking God to 'make the whole earth good' and pleading the blood of Jesus over 'all the people'. Though his understanding of God isn't as deep as Austin's was at his age, he believes. Oh, how he believes!
As a child with asthma he has been sick quite frequently in his short life. He has recently began asking God to heal him. He thanks God when he feels he has healed him, but never doubts when he doesn't see a change. He just asks again...and again. He has faith. True, pure faith.
OK, I may have gotten a bit carried away. The point is, the leader isn't really better than the servant, or vica versa. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have talents and gifts. It doesn't matter as much what your gift is, but rather how you use that gift to glorify God. What good would knowledge of His word do me if my heart was hard as stone. And how could I witness to others the greatness of His love if I had no knowledge of His word. He is what makes our gifts great! No matter what your call in life, use it to glorify and honor the One would put it there...
Austin is my leader. He is SO confident and strong willed. We have a bit harder of a time with him because he doesn't ever just accept a thought or rule. He wants to know WHY. Though this can be annoying at times, I am thankful that he wants to view all the facts before he decides to believe or do something. He doesn't just take your word for it, in fact, it seems you are automatically wrong until you prove yourself right.
I love his passion. When he has an interest in a subject he will research and learn as much about it as he can. Even if he is mocked by his friends for his interests, he stays committed. He has told me on occasion that he gets made fun of sometimes at school for being a christian....*note- he is NOT a quiet christian. He takes it in stride and says while he doesn't like it, he believes they are not just mocking him, but God as well. He strives to lead by example, especially when it comes to his faith. Recently we had an incident where one of his teachers accused him of lying in class when he said his throat was sore. He came home steaming. After a loooong conversation he admitted that he was most upset because he tries so hard to be a good witness for his faith and he felt this undermined all his efforts.....is that a 'works' message there? hmm...
He is my little defender. He has made it a point at school to befriend those that don't 'fit in' and doesn't hesitate to come to their aid if one is being picked on. He stands up for the underdog and is committed to help them as much as he can.
Xander is my joyful servant. He loves everybody...really. He has the most sincere heart I have every seen. When you're happy, he's happy. When your sad or hurting, he's sad too. His favorite song is thief by Third Day. The first time he heard the song, however, we were in the car. I had to stop the car and console him. Recently at church he began to cry as the singers sang Amazing Grace. He has such a tender heart.
He desires to be good and strives to be helpful. He is obedient and seems to flourish in structured environments. He considers everyone his friend. He has so much love in that little heart of his. His prayers at night consists of him asking God to 'make the whole earth good' and pleading the blood of Jesus over 'all the people'. Though his understanding of God isn't as deep as Austin's was at his age, he believes. Oh, how he believes!
As a child with asthma he has been sick quite frequently in his short life. He has recently began asking God to heal him. He thanks God when he feels he has healed him, but never doubts when he doesn't see a change. He just asks again...and again. He has faith. True, pure faith.
OK, I may have gotten a bit carried away. The point is, the leader isn't really better than the servant, or vica versa. We all have strengths and weaknesses. We all have talents and gifts. It doesn't matter as much what your gift is, but rather how you use that gift to glorify God. What good would knowledge of His word do me if my heart was hard as stone. And how could I witness to others the greatness of His love if I had no knowledge of His word. He is what makes our gifts great! No matter what your call in life, use it to glorify and honor the One would put it there...
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Praises
Oh, how great it is to know Him! What a blessing it is just to think of His love for us! How can I do anything, but praise His name. He is the Lover of my soul. The Calm in my storm. The Mercy in my corrupted heart. He is the Restorer of my hope.
I can do all things through Him, yet nothing without Him. How humbling it is to know that His face shines upon me, that I am called by the Most High. He has a will and a purpose for my life that would overshadow anything I could accomplish for myself. In Him, there is joy unspeakable. In Him, there is a fullness that once was empty. There beats a heart that once was silent.
Through all things His praises will be in my heart, for He put them there. He knew me from the foundations of the earth and He loved me when I was unlovable. He didn't ask me to conform to the LAW to win His love. Instead, He sought after me. He showered me with His love until I couldn't resist Him any longer. He filled me with His spirit and caused His desires to become my own. My hopes and my dreams are woven together with my faith and love for Him. My heart's sole desire is to be a good and faithful servant to the One who's faithfullness to me far out shines any faith I had in Him. How great is our God <3
I can do all things through Him, yet nothing without Him. How humbling it is to know that His face shines upon me, that I am called by the Most High. He has a will and a purpose for my life that would overshadow anything I could accomplish for myself. In Him, there is joy unspeakable. In Him, there is a fullness that once was empty. There beats a heart that once was silent.
Through all things His praises will be in my heart, for He put them there. He knew me from the foundations of the earth and He loved me when I was unlovable. He didn't ask me to conform to the LAW to win His love. Instead, He sought after me. He showered me with His love until I couldn't resist Him any longer. He filled me with His spirit and caused His desires to become my own. My hopes and my dreams are woven together with my faith and love for Him. My heart's sole desire is to be a good and faithful servant to the One who's faithfullness to me far out shines any faith I had in Him. How great is our God <3
Saturday, May 21, 2011
My Testimony
I am entering a gospel music talent show in which I was asked to give my testimony. I. am. stumped.
I feel like I have so much to be thankful of...to be praising for! He has done so much for my little life that I don't deserve. He has saved me. So many times has He saved me! So many times I have crossed the line. So many times I have walked away. I wonder sometimes about the pain I have caused Him. The pain we all cause Him when we shove Him aside. But He is faithful. His love is true. All those times I thought I had fallen away, He came rushing after me.
He has saved my life.
I joke with my mom sometimes about how I must have a pretty big purpose for Him to intervene as much as He has. I have had two risky pregnancies, three scary car wrecks, and one super scary anafilactic shock. In every one of these situations, I have been able to call on Him and see His hand on me. He has taught me so much about faith.
He has healed me.
From big scary things to small everyday things. If it bothers me, I ask for healing. I think skin cancer was the scariest. I was assured by my dermatologist that a spot on my back looked like cancer. I wasn't afraid because I had already prayed over that spot and been assured by God that it wasn't. Test results were in His favor...imagine that! I have had some heart issues over the years as well. I have pleurisy, always have. If I lay a certain way or take a deep breath while bending over I get a sharp pain when I try to breathe. The last few years though I have had problems with my heart racing and fluttering. The last time I went to the doctor because of this was on my son's birthday. My heart had been racing for two days. The doctor was going to have me admitted to the hospital for observation. When he left the room, I prayed and pleaded the blood of Jesus over my heart. When he came back a few minutes later to check me again, my heart had slowed down enough for him to let me go home. I haven't had any issues with my heart or pleurisy since. There are many more instances I could include; back problems, joint pain, even a broken foot. I know that God has intervened many times in my life as well as those around me.
He answers my prayers.
There is no way I could list all the prayers of mine that He has answered. I believe He answers every one. There is power in speaking the Word over people's lives. I have seen hearts change because of prayer...mine own included. I have witnessed the attacks of demons, in my life and the lives of my family, being halted because of prayer. I have seen the impossible become possible, because of prayer.
So you see, I don't have a 'testimony'. My LIFE is a testimony. Because of these things, I can give my life over to God and know that He has me. I know that He will protect and keep me. Even when bad things happen, even if it would take my life, I know that God is faithful and true. I know Him and He knows me....that's all the testimony one needs.
I feel like I have so much to be thankful of...to be praising for! He has done so much for my little life that I don't deserve. He has saved me. So many times has He saved me! So many times I have crossed the line. So many times I have walked away. I wonder sometimes about the pain I have caused Him. The pain we all cause Him when we shove Him aside. But He is faithful. His love is true. All those times I thought I had fallen away, He came rushing after me.
He has saved my life.
I joke with my mom sometimes about how I must have a pretty big purpose for Him to intervene as much as He has. I have had two risky pregnancies, three scary car wrecks, and one super scary anafilactic shock. In every one of these situations, I have been able to call on Him and see His hand on me. He has taught me so much about faith.
He has healed me.
From big scary things to small everyday things. If it bothers me, I ask for healing. I think skin cancer was the scariest. I was assured by my dermatologist that a spot on my back looked like cancer. I wasn't afraid because I had already prayed over that spot and been assured by God that it wasn't. Test results were in His favor...imagine that! I have had some heart issues over the years as well. I have pleurisy, always have. If I lay a certain way or take a deep breath while bending over I get a sharp pain when I try to breathe. The last few years though I have had problems with my heart racing and fluttering. The last time I went to the doctor because of this was on my son's birthday. My heart had been racing for two days. The doctor was going to have me admitted to the hospital for observation. When he left the room, I prayed and pleaded the blood of Jesus over my heart. When he came back a few minutes later to check me again, my heart had slowed down enough for him to let me go home. I haven't had any issues with my heart or pleurisy since. There are many more instances I could include; back problems, joint pain, even a broken foot. I know that God has intervened many times in my life as well as those around me.
He answers my prayers.
There is no way I could list all the prayers of mine that He has answered. I believe He answers every one. There is power in speaking the Word over people's lives. I have seen hearts change because of prayer...mine own included. I have witnessed the attacks of demons, in my life and the lives of my family, being halted because of prayer. I have seen the impossible become possible, because of prayer.
So you see, I don't have a 'testimony'. My LIFE is a testimony. Because of these things, I can give my life over to God and know that He has me. I know that He will protect and keep me. Even when bad things happen, even if it would take my life, I know that God is faithful and true. I know Him and He knows me....that's all the testimony one needs.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Busy, Busy!
Sometimes, I feel like I don't even get the chance to fully participate in life. I can't even focus! I forget that life isn't about accomplishments brought on by my own ambitions. I forget that I have a bigger calling on my life than making sure the house is kept tidy. Sometimes, I get lost in the shallow end of life.
Things have been moving in fast forward these last few weeks and I am in need of a time-out! I have spoken before of my need to have ALONE time to meditate on God and just feel His presence...oh such joy is in His presence! I need to 'be still'...Psalm 46:10.
You would think as many times as He has shown me that I can't be who He's called me to be without spending that time with Him, that I would know to let everything else go. I tell you, I think there is a spirit of distraction who's goal it is to make Jesus' followers TOO BUSY to follow! Let me prove it...just in the short amount of time it has taken me to write this paragraph so far, my 6 year old has come in here 4 times to ask me something completely random :)
The older I get, the more I realize how quickly time slips away. Being that I was born a procrastinator...so it seems...I am horrible at putting things off. I give myself excuses as to why I didn't do in a given day what I had wanted to. I was tired...I didn't feel well...I just didn't think about it....UGHHH. This is still selfishness. I hope to one day be past this stage. I hope to be like the man that built his house on the rock instead of the sand...Matthew 7:24-27. God has been so merciful to me by showing me my 'faults' (SINS!). He has so lovingly reproved me and given me a new perspective/heart/LIFE.
In this slight despair that I am feeling, I am reminded just how faithful God is to His children. We forsake Him for the the smallest things, but He will never forsake us. We deny him as Peter did...though maybe not by our words, but by our actions.
I am in awe as I think about a God so loving that He would see my wavering heart and be moved by it. Who am I that He would send even the smallest of angels, much more His son, for my sake. He is worthy to be praised.
Things have been moving in fast forward these last few weeks and I am in need of a time-out! I have spoken before of my need to have ALONE time to meditate on God and just feel His presence...oh such joy is in His presence! I need to 'be still'...Psalm 46:10.
You would think as many times as He has shown me that I can't be who He's called me to be without spending that time with Him, that I would know to let everything else go. I tell you, I think there is a spirit of distraction who's goal it is to make Jesus' followers TOO BUSY to follow! Let me prove it...just in the short amount of time it has taken me to write this paragraph so far, my 6 year old has come in here 4 times to ask me something completely random :)
The older I get, the more I realize how quickly time slips away. Being that I was born a procrastinator...so it seems...I am horrible at putting things off. I give myself excuses as to why I didn't do in a given day what I had wanted to. I was tired...I didn't feel well...I just didn't think about it....UGHHH. This is still selfishness. I hope to one day be past this stage. I hope to be like the man that built his house on the rock instead of the sand...Matthew 7:24-27. God has been so merciful to me by showing me my 'faults' (SINS!). He has so lovingly reproved me and given me a new perspective/heart/LIFE.
In this slight despair that I am feeling, I am reminded just how faithful God is to His children. We forsake Him for the the smallest things, but He will never forsake us. We deny him as Peter did...though maybe not by our words, but by our actions.
I am in awe as I think about a God so loving that He would see my wavering heart and be moved by it. Who am I that He would send even the smallest of angels, much more His son, for my sake. He is worthy to be praised.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
The Storm
This has been a rough week for us. I was really questioning God and His purpose yesterday. Just a few days ago, I was praising Him for how much He has moved in our lives. But then, a bump. Then, a bigger bump. I found myself in despair again. Questioning if I was truly following His will. Funny how we can be so sure when we see Him moving, only to doubt when the devil attacks us. Does our faith really depend on the devil leaving us alone? I bet he hopes so. Today though it occurred to me. If we are facing opposition from the devil, then shouldn't that only confirm where we are?!
I don't think the devil cares if you go to church, sing half-hearted praise, and ignore God the rest of the week. I don't think he cares if we, under conviction, feel bad for the things we have done in life. No, I think he scoffs at our shallow prayers of selfishness and empty promises never to be fulfilled. We are no threat to him and his fallen kingdom. But, when we SEEK God's will, when we COMMIT ourselves, when we live to SERVE Him, then the devil starts to pay us more attention. See, when we die to ourselves and get FILLED with the Holy Spirit then it's not US just going through the motions anymore. It's God in us. Using us for His purposes. And He has got some MIGHTY purposes! The devil hates when we become followers of Jesus. You can serve any other god and he could care less. When you start praying for God's will, then ACTING on it, you become a target.
I know that it's hard to praise Him and to pray unselfishly when you're going through hard times. It's easy to give in to the pull of depression and hopelessness. But He is mighty and faithful. He will carry you in your pain. He will give you peace and rest, even in the storm. He will never forsake His people! In hard times, we should cling to Him even more. Give Him your burdens and worries. Give Him your pain and your hurt. Ask Him for direction. Cry out to Him. Just let Him hold you for a while. Let Him love you and restore your faith.
I don't think the devil cares if you go to church, sing half-hearted praise, and ignore God the rest of the week. I don't think he cares if we, under conviction, feel bad for the things we have done in life. No, I think he scoffs at our shallow prayers of selfishness and empty promises never to be fulfilled. We are no threat to him and his fallen kingdom. But, when we SEEK God's will, when we COMMIT ourselves, when we live to SERVE Him, then the devil starts to pay us more attention. See, when we die to ourselves and get FILLED with the Holy Spirit then it's not US just going through the motions anymore. It's God in us. Using us for His purposes. And He has got some MIGHTY purposes! The devil hates when we become followers of Jesus. You can serve any other god and he could care less. When you start praying for God's will, then ACTING on it, you become a target.
I know that it's hard to praise Him and to pray unselfishly when you're going through hard times. It's easy to give in to the pull of depression and hopelessness. But He is mighty and faithful. He will carry you in your pain. He will give you peace and rest, even in the storm. He will never forsake His people! In hard times, we should cling to Him even more. Give Him your burdens and worries. Give Him your pain and your hurt. Ask Him for direction. Cry out to Him. Just let Him hold you for a while. Let Him love you and restore your faith.
Saturday, April 16, 2011
Praise Journal
I came across a notebook I had written in a few years ago that I had planned to keep as a praise journal. Is it just me, or does it seem like I struggle with consistency? Thank God, He's helping me to be consistent where it counts! Anyway, just wanted to share some of these. I hope it blesses you!
My soul yearns for you. Through every struggle for acceptance, it wasn't the world I needed, it was you. In every situation, I knew you were there. In a room full of evil, I still knew to whom I belonged. How quickly the shallowness of life engulfs us. Consumed by what the world wants us to be. Still, you are there. Waiting, watching, and yearning for us like our soul yearns for you. Blinded by our sins, we can't find you. But when we're quiet and still, you are there. When the world fails us, when our love disappoints us, when we are left with nothing but time to reflect, finally, we can see. Your perfect love was there all along. All this time, the directions we have seeked, the lovers we have known, the emptiness inside, it was for you. In all things we are seeking you. Your approval, Your love, Your purpose. Even if we are too lost to know it. Our souls yearn for you.
Bless this heart to be your heart . Fill it with compassion and love for others. Bless these eyes to be your eyes, to see your people the way you see them, perfected by your sacrifice. Bless these thoughts to be your thoughts, that I might know you and your will for my life. Bless this voice to be your voice, speaking your word and singing your praises all day long. Bless these hands to be your hands, doing your work and touching the lives of others for your glory. Bless this body to release the sin and death of this world and to be filled with your victory and life for all eternity. Amen.
Thank you Father for your faithfulness. In our time of need you are so faithful. It is because of your faithfulness to your word that we can find hope and healing. How perfect is your love! You are worthy of all praise, for you are good. Wonderful Councilor, Prince of Peace, Creator of life, the beginning and the end. How faithful is our Lord!
I long for you Lord. I pray you return to me Lord. Look upon me with mercy and wash me clean again. Come near to me. Surround me with your glory and fill me with your fire. Move through me Lord. Purge this temple of unrighteousness. Radiate from within. Strengthen my faith through the words you put in my heart. Rise up in me until your glory can be seen shining through this broken vessel, spilling on to those around me.
I want to be holy
I want you to know me
hold me in your hands
show me how to stand
I want to be holy
live for you only
walk the path you choose
loose myself in you
I want to be holy
wrapped in your glory
speak the words of truth
to the broken and abused
I want to be holy
filled with your mercy
wash me, make me new
I put my trust in you
You make me holy
Jesus, you know me
my heart abides with you
the chains of sin you loosed
You make me holy
My soul yearns for you. Through every struggle for acceptance, it wasn't the world I needed, it was you. In every situation, I knew you were there. In a room full of evil, I still knew to whom I belonged. How quickly the shallowness of life engulfs us. Consumed by what the world wants us to be. Still, you are there. Waiting, watching, and yearning for us like our soul yearns for you. Blinded by our sins, we can't find you. But when we're quiet and still, you are there. When the world fails us, when our love disappoints us, when we are left with nothing but time to reflect, finally, we can see. Your perfect love was there all along. All this time, the directions we have seeked, the lovers we have known, the emptiness inside, it was for you. In all things we are seeking you. Your approval, Your love, Your purpose. Even if we are too lost to know it. Our souls yearn for you.
Bless this heart to be your heart . Fill it with compassion and love for others. Bless these eyes to be your eyes, to see your people the way you see them, perfected by your sacrifice. Bless these thoughts to be your thoughts, that I might know you and your will for my life. Bless this voice to be your voice, speaking your word and singing your praises all day long. Bless these hands to be your hands, doing your work and touching the lives of others for your glory. Bless this body to release the sin and death of this world and to be filled with your victory and life for all eternity. Amen.
Thank you Father for your faithfulness. In our time of need you are so faithful. It is because of your faithfulness to your word that we can find hope and healing. How perfect is your love! You are worthy of all praise, for you are good. Wonderful Councilor, Prince of Peace, Creator of life, the beginning and the end. How faithful is our Lord!
I long for you Lord. I pray you return to me Lord. Look upon me with mercy and wash me clean again. Come near to me. Surround me with your glory and fill me with your fire. Move through me Lord. Purge this temple of unrighteousness. Radiate from within. Strengthen my faith through the words you put in my heart. Rise up in me until your glory can be seen shining through this broken vessel, spilling on to those around me.
I want to be holy
I want you to know me
hold me in your hands
show me how to stand
I want to be holy
live for you only
walk the path you choose
loose myself in you
I want to be holy
wrapped in your glory
speak the words of truth
to the broken and abused
I want to be holy
filled with your mercy
wash me, make me new
I put my trust in you
You make me holy
Jesus, you know me
my heart abides with you
the chains of sin you loosed
You make me holy
Saturday, April 9, 2011
Death, where is your sting?
So, this week I was worried. I had not been feeling well and it occurred to me that mother nature was running a bit behind for the month. I know, TMI, but I have a point!
I was born with a defective uterus and, after carrying (miraculously) two babies, I was told that any future attempt would be 'catastrophic' and would likely end in my and the baby's departure from this world. During the cesarean for my second child the doctor told me that my uterus was so thin she could see his hair before she ever made an incision. If I had gone into labor or even picked up something the wrong way, it would have ruptured. I even lost my appendix a few weeks after he was born due to my uterus not expanding properly. He had cut off the blood flow. Looking back now, I am thankful that it had not ruptured while I was pregnant! You see now why I would be concerned :)
After worrying for a few days I decided that no matter what I had to face, God was with me and I could trust Him with my life. So, I prayed again for His will to be completed in me, no matter what. I can happily report that I was not asked to test my faith any further...sheeew!!
I was born with a defective uterus and, after carrying (miraculously) two babies, I was told that any future attempt would be 'catastrophic' and would likely end in my and the baby's departure from this world. During the cesarean for my second child the doctor told me that my uterus was so thin she could see his hair before she ever made an incision. If I had gone into labor or even picked up something the wrong way, it would have ruptured. I even lost my appendix a few weeks after he was born due to my uterus not expanding properly. He had cut off the blood flow. Looking back now, I am thankful that it had not ruptured while I was pregnant! You see now why I would be concerned :)
After worrying for a few days I decided that no matter what I had to face, God was with me and I could trust Him with my life. So, I prayed again for His will to be completed in me, no matter what. I can happily report that I was not asked to test my faith any further...sheeew!!
Today I was looking back on all the ways He has protected me throughout my life. About four years ago, on the day before Thanksgiving, I learned that I have food allergies....the hard way. I felt my throat itching and swelling and drove myself in a panic to the hospital. I did call my husband and tell him so he could meet me there, but the whole way there, there was only one person I wanted to talk to...Jesus! That was the scariest car ride I've ever had, but He was faithful to hear my prayers. In fact, not only did he get me there, but it took over an hour from my first sign of a reaction until I needed the EPI pen! Gotta say, out of all the ways you can leave this world, you DO NOT want to go out that way. I ended up having to stay over night and was lectured harshly about driving myself and not calling an ambulance. Not that that would matter next time, according to the doctor, I'd be dead before they'd even get to me.....scary thought.
Seems to me, when faced with the thought of dying, God is who you want. You want Him to hear you and save you. You beg for forgiveness and promise to live better. As I was pondering these things, I had a thought...if I would die with faith in God, then so much more should I want to LIVE with my faith fully in Him! I want to walk the path He has laid before me with confidence...and I can! It's easier when facing the thought death to reach out to Him in the hope that when you leave this world, He'll be merciful when you wake on the other side. When you're faced with death, no one else is with you. Your family may be close by, but you go through death on your own. There is only ONE friend that can comfort you in death. That friend is Jesus.
And if He is good enough for us to beg and cling to in scary times, then isn't He good enough to be served and glorified in our lives for the time he has given us here?! He is worthy of our praise. He is our redeemer, our saving grace. He is the breath that brought us to life and He'll be there to retrieve us when we give that breath up. Even if we deny Him, we are still partakers of the blessings He created. His sun shines even on the wicked, a reminder to us of His mercy. No other name in all of creation is above His name. Only He can humble the proud and empower the meek. There is no wisdom higher. There is no power greater. Nothing compares to the love of God......
And if He is good enough for us to beg and cling to in scary times, then isn't He good enough to be served and glorified in our lives for the time he has given us here?! He is worthy of our praise. He is our redeemer, our saving grace. He is the breath that brought us to life and He'll be there to retrieve us when we give that breath up. Even if we deny Him, we are still partakers of the blessings He created. His sun shines even on the wicked, a reminder to us of His mercy. No other name in all of creation is above His name. Only He can humble the proud and empower the meek. There is no wisdom higher. There is no power greater. Nothing compares to the love of God......
Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8 <3
Sunday, March 20, 2011
Praise Him, Praise Him!
OK, so I haven't done a very good job keeping my blog. I started working more, and frankly all this dreary winter weather we had kinda put me in a bit of a funk. I am ready for some spring-time! There's just something about a clear sunny day that makes me feel even closer to God. It's like creation is praising Him by revealing the beauty that He has put in it for all to see. I believe that's what we are suppose to do also. Praise him with our life! Reveal to others the beauty that He has put in our hearts! Even in the hard times, the dark and dreary times, let us praise Him! I am so thankful to know that when it seems life couldn't get any worse, He is there to comfort me. He sees my hurts and knows my heartaches. Only in Him can I find peace and rest. He is my redeemer, comforter, and friend. Life without Him is vain and pointless. He looks at me, and with all my failures and all the sins of my life, He sees only the holiness of the blood of Jesus that was shed for me. I am covered! oops sorry, got carried away there :)
I am super excited because, after struggling with myself for a lifetime, I have committed to follow Him fully. I truly think He's leading me to worship and sing for Him. Honestly, Just saying it makes me feel silly, but if that's what His call on my life is then I want to do it. I don't know if anyone reading this has ever physically felt His presence, but when I sing I do. Nothing else in this life matters more to me than feeling His presence. I want to LIVE in it, every hour of everyday. I know that His spirit is already in me, and I praise Him for it, but this is like being CONSUMED by His spirit. I wish I could describe it better, but my point is I want to be as close to Him as possible and I want to be used by Him. Nothing else satisfies!
So, I have no idea what to do about singing. I can't play any instruments. I can't even read music. I am completely clueless and I don't have anyone to mentor me in this...except God. Pray for me and I will be sure to update my journey more often. I really feel like I babbled my way through this tonight. I hope at least some of it made sense! haha.
Oh, and if you're interested you can hear me sing at http://www.bandmix.com/gh_fleming/
I am super excited because, after struggling with myself for a lifetime, I have committed to follow Him fully. I truly think He's leading me to worship and sing for Him. Honestly, Just saying it makes me feel silly, but if that's what His call on my life is then I want to do it. I don't know if anyone reading this has ever physically felt His presence, but when I sing I do. Nothing else in this life matters more to me than feeling His presence. I want to LIVE in it, every hour of everyday. I know that His spirit is already in me, and I praise Him for it, but this is like being CONSUMED by His spirit. I wish I could describe it better, but my point is I want to be as close to Him as possible and I want to be used by Him. Nothing else satisfies!
So, I have no idea what to do about singing. I can't play any instruments. I can't even read music. I am completely clueless and I don't have anyone to mentor me in this...except God. Pray for me and I will be sure to update my journey more often. I really feel like I babbled my way through this tonight. I hope at least some of it made sense! haha.
Oh, and if you're interested you can hear me sing at http://www.bandmix.com/gh_fleming/
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
Blessed!
Ever been so filled with the presence of God that you think you could just burst? He has truly given us joy unspeakable! I was having a not-so-great kind of day and was just really discouraged. You know, when you get to feeling down the devil just comes at you harder.
I was running late this morning (imagine that) and didn't have time to read and pray. Work wasn't any better, and by lunchtime I was so distressed that I HAD to go to my car and read in His word. I was still a bit frazzled for the remainder of my workday. I was feeling so out numbered, so alone in my desire for holiness. I was so discouraged. So while I was cleaning, I was praying (pleading) "God, remember I'm here, where you told me to be. Please don't leave me here! You know the desires of my heart! I want to do more than this!"
As I left work for the day I called my prayer warrior again....thank God for her! I love that we are usually feeling the same way at the same time. After a lengthy conversation I was feeling much better. I was thankful for God's hand in restoring my heart, but at church tonight, through the message, I found He was speaking to me! He told me not to doubt His calling on my life. He is in my heart and I belong to Him! He assured me that I don't have to feel discouraged! We are not alone in our walk! He hears the cries of our hearts! Preacher even mentioned about wanting to open an orphanage....which is in my heart big time!
I am so thankful that God blessed me to find a church where He is sought after continuously! I will not doubt His hand on me. I wish I could fully express all the ways that He has yet again proven Himself to me! I may be broke, I may be a lunch lady, but I am in HIS will. I am blessed and highly favored, Praise God!
I was running late this morning (imagine that) and didn't have time to read and pray. Work wasn't any better, and by lunchtime I was so distressed that I HAD to go to my car and read in His word. I was still a bit frazzled for the remainder of my workday. I was feeling so out numbered, so alone in my desire for holiness. I was so discouraged. So while I was cleaning, I was praying (pleading) "God, remember I'm here, where you told me to be. Please don't leave me here! You know the desires of my heart! I want to do more than this!"
As I left work for the day I called my prayer warrior again....thank God for her! I love that we are usually feeling the same way at the same time. After a lengthy conversation I was feeling much better. I was thankful for God's hand in restoring my heart, but at church tonight, through the message, I found He was speaking to me! He told me not to doubt His calling on my life. He is in my heart and I belong to Him! He assured me that I don't have to feel discouraged! We are not alone in our walk! He hears the cries of our hearts! Preacher even mentioned about wanting to open an orphanage....which is in my heart big time!
I am so thankful that God blessed me to find a church where He is sought after continuously! I will not doubt His hand on me. I wish I could fully express all the ways that He has yet again proven Himself to me! I may be broke, I may be a lunch lady, but I am in HIS will. I am blessed and highly favored, Praise God!
Monday, February 7, 2011
The Important Stuff
Growing up in the 80's my childhood was filled with video games, MTV, cartoons, and a TON of toys. I had every Barbie, CareBear, Cabbage Patch, and My little Pony that you could imagine....seriously. Funny thing is, when I look back I find that I was happier being outside or looking out of our huge picture window than playing with all that STUFF. My best memories are of sunny saturdays spent with my mom running errands and riding through the country with my dad to visit my granny and grampaw. Sometimes I wish I were back there again.
I don't believe we were created to sit in front of a TV or computer all day. I don't think God intended for us to constantly rush past the beauty of His creation at 60mph either. And I'm pretty sure He didn't want the majority of our conversations to be communicated through texting and emails. Obviously, I appreciate the benefits of technology, but what has this tech-overload really cost our society?
I have really come to love watching movies set in the 1800's...to the complete objection of my dear husband :) I love the idea of spending every day with your family and walking to town, or to a friends house for tea. I picture myself sitting underneath a tree on a blanket with a good book, or just a sketch pad enjoying the breeze. Ahh. I have to admit, this vision might be partly inspired by my complete loathing of winter. Although a toasty fire with good company could make it a bit more bearable.
I guess my point is that we are distracted from life itself. Our relationships with family, friends, and God should be more important than anything on TV, or in a video game. When we stand before Him and give an account of our lives will we be ashamed of how we spent the time He gave us? I know that until recently, I spent too much of that time working to buy my kids tons of things that they don't need. I sacrificed my relationships with friends and loved ones for money and selfish ambitions. It is my sincerest hope that God gives me enough time on this earth to be the mother, wife, daughter, and friend that He would want me to be.
I don't believe we were created to sit in front of a TV or computer all day. I don't think God intended for us to constantly rush past the beauty of His creation at 60mph either. And I'm pretty sure He didn't want the majority of our conversations to be communicated through texting and emails. Obviously, I appreciate the benefits of technology, but what has this tech-overload really cost our society?
I have really come to love watching movies set in the 1800's...to the complete objection of my dear husband :) I love the idea of spending every day with your family and walking to town, or to a friends house for tea. I picture myself sitting underneath a tree on a blanket with a good book, or just a sketch pad enjoying the breeze. Ahh. I have to admit, this vision might be partly inspired by my complete loathing of winter. Although a toasty fire with good company could make it a bit more bearable.
I guess my point is that we are distracted from life itself. Our relationships with family, friends, and God should be more important than anything on TV, or in a video game. When we stand before Him and give an account of our lives will we be ashamed of how we spent the time He gave us? I know that until recently, I spent too much of that time working to buy my kids tons of things that they don't need. I sacrificed my relationships with friends and loved ones for money and selfish ambitions. It is my sincerest hope that God gives me enough time on this earth to be the mother, wife, daughter, and friend that He would want me to be.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Confidence
I don't have a faith issue, I have a confidence issue. I beat myself up over my shortcomings and in all the ways I feel I have let God down. This is a recent revelation for me and in my reading last night a verse stuck out that brought me comfort:
Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit shall remain: that whatsoever you ask of the Father in my name, He may give it to you. John 15:16
I know Jesus was speaking to His disciples in this verse, but are we not His disciples as well? And if so does that mean He chose us to follow Him? Look at Paul, he was not searching for Jesus, but Jesus found him on the road to Damascus.
Also, in Jeremiah 1:4 God told Jeremiah that he was ordained before he was even born. So, if this be true then has He not also given us the ability to do the things he has called us to do? And if He did call us then could we live without the fear of disappointing Him? Would we be able to focus more on our relationship with Him and fulfilling His purpose in our life if we were not so afraid of failing.
Paul says it best in Romans 8:30:
Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
He goes on to say that because of this we can say if God be for us,who can be against us. He should be our confidence. He has already given us everything we need to serve Him!
Ye have not chosen me, but I have chosen you, and ordained you, that ye should go and bring forth fruit, and that your fruit shall remain: that whatsoever you ask of the Father in my name, He may give it to you. John 15:16
I know Jesus was speaking to His disciples in this verse, but are we not His disciples as well? And if so does that mean He chose us to follow Him? Look at Paul, he was not searching for Jesus, but Jesus found him on the road to Damascus.
Also, in Jeremiah 1:4 God told Jeremiah that he was ordained before he was even born. So, if this be true then has He not also given us the ability to do the things he has called us to do? And if He did call us then could we live without the fear of disappointing Him? Would we be able to focus more on our relationship with Him and fulfilling His purpose in our life if we were not so afraid of failing.
Paul says it best in Romans 8:30:
Moreover whom he did predestinate, them he also called: and whom he called, them he also justified: and whom he justified, them he also glorified.
He goes on to say that because of this we can say if God be for us,who can be against us. He should be our confidence. He has already given us everything we need to serve Him!
Thursday, January 20, 2011
Square One....AGAIN!
So, it's been almost 2 weeks since I said that I was going to get up early everyday to have "God time" (bible study/prayer). Well, (as much as I hate to admit this) I haven't been able to get out of bed at 5:15 yet! How sad is that! Not ONE time! Of course it's been brought to my attention on multiple occassions this week through TV and church sermons. One speaker was even saying how that hour is the best part of their day! I am so disappointed. ugh!
Why is it that we can be so 'on fire' and commited until the time comes for us to make sacrafices. I mean, does that extra 30 minutes of sleep really make a big difference? HA! I bet it would make a bigger and more positive impact on my life if I would spend that time with God instead. How easily the knowledge flows now at 3:30 in the afternoon. I need to be reminded of this when I'm in my warm, cozy, bed at the crack of dawn! You know what the problem is? I am STILL fighting selfishness.....and it's winning!
I'm not trying to sound so negative, I have been spending more time with Him and it has been so fulfilling! This morning thing has just been a bit harder than I thought it would be. I will not let myself get discouraged though! I know that I can do this......eventually :)
Why is it that we can be so 'on fire' and commited until the time comes for us to make sacrafices. I mean, does that extra 30 minutes of sleep really make a big difference? HA! I bet it would make a bigger and more positive impact on my life if I would spend that time with God instead. How easily the knowledge flows now at 3:30 in the afternoon. I need to be reminded of this when I'm in my warm, cozy, bed at the crack of dawn! You know what the problem is? I am STILL fighting selfishness.....and it's winning!
I'm not trying to sound so negative, I have been spending more time with Him and it has been so fulfilling! This morning thing has just been a bit harder than I thought it would be. I will not let myself get discouraged though! I know that I can do this......eventually :)
Monday, January 17, 2011
Love of God
David is one of my favorite people in the bible. When I have questions about sin I look to the gospels. When I have questions about the church I look to Paul's letters. When I have a desire to worship God more, David is who I look to. He had such a love for God and though I am aware of his faults, I believe they are a testimony of how even the "most righteous" can fall if they take their focus off of God. He is to be exalted in our lives. This may seem daunting to some, but when you experience His presence you find that everything else becomes trivial in comparison. The love of God is immeasurable:
Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made;
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.
And were the skies of parchment made;
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.
O love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall for evermore endure
The saints' and angels' song.
Frederick M. Lehman; 1948
Sunday, January 16, 2011
Good and Faithful Servant
His lord said unto him, Well done, thou good and faithful servant: thou hast been faithful over a few things, I will make thee ruler over many things: enter thou into the joy of thy lord. Matthew 25:21
*Read in context here Matthew 25
Oh, to hear those words! To stand in front of our Lord and Savior and hear Him apply this term to you, good and faithful servant! Surely, there is no reward greater than this. What more can we offer our Lord than to serve him completely. To put Him above our wants and desires; hopes and dreams. To see that we gave all we had to The One who sacrificed all for us! Today at church, our preacher asked the question: If you were to stand before Him today would you hear these words applied to you? I have to admit, I don't believe I would.
Earlier this week I was studying the seven churches in the book of Revelation. I truly believe that if we are honest with ourselves, through God's help, we can place ourselves within one of these churches. It's easy for us to feel good about the things we do for God, harder to realize that it's not about what we do at all. The first church spoken about is commended on their works. They seem to really have a desire to do the will of God, but Jesus said that they had left their first love....Him. This reminds me of another verse:
*Read in context here Matthew 25
Oh, to hear those words! To stand in front of our Lord and Savior and hear Him apply this term to you, good and faithful servant! Surely, there is no reward greater than this. What more can we offer our Lord than to serve him completely. To put Him above our wants and desires; hopes and dreams. To see that we gave all we had to The One who sacrificed all for us! Today at church, our preacher asked the question: If you were to stand before Him today would you hear these words applied to you? I have to admit, I don't believe I would.
Earlier this week I was studying the seven churches in the book of Revelation. I truly believe that if we are honest with ourselves, through God's help, we can place ourselves within one of these churches. It's easy for us to feel good about the things we do for God, harder to realize that it's not about what we do at all. The first church spoken about is commended on their works. They seem to really have a desire to do the will of God, but Jesus said that they had left their first love....Him. This reminds me of another verse:
Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity, Matthew 7:22-24.
We can do more than any other before us, but if Jesus isn't our first love those works are done in vain. You have to serve in the prayer closet before you can serve in public. Only then can He reveal to us His will and purpose for our lives. I would hate to learn that though I spent my time doing good things that I missed what He called me to do. This isn't exactly what I was hoping to write about when I sat down today. I was actually wanting to admit all the ways that I don't do enough for Him. I guess God decided to remind me, again, what is most important.
Sunday, January 9, 2011
Making Time
I don't like routines. I have never been a very organized/structured type of person. I think I drive my husband nuts with my inability to remember the mundane items on our daily to do list. I have come to accept that my talents lie elsewhere. I am the creative one that has to make a mess of things to truly be productive...to the complete dismay of my orderly husband. However, I am starting to realize that I need to plan time to be with God.
Before I started working at the school I would stay up an hour or so after everyone else went to bed and be with God. I really enjoyed being able to pray and worship without distractions. I'm still able to read the Bible with the kids around, but when I start to pray or worship there always seems to be an interruption.
I really have a heart for worship. I not only desire to worship, I need to worship! The bible tells us that He inhabits the praise of His people and I can testify to it! Nothing compares to the presence of God! How I long to be in the throne room of heaven, surrounded by multitudes of those redeemed, all singing perfected praises to the only One who is worthy! This is what we were created to do. Unfortunately, it seems now that the only place that I have to praise Him in privacy has been in the CAR. Though I'm sure it's quite a funny sight for the other drivers, I have to say it's not as fulfilling. So, I have decided the only thing to do is to develop a routine........sigh.
My husband and I have decided to get up everyday at 5am (gasp!). This will give us time to read and pray as well as time to fellowship with each other. Then, when I come home from work I can worship/pray for 30 minutes before getting the boys from school. Isn't it sad that we have to schedule in time for the Creator of time itself! Pray for me as I may struggle through this at first. I am NOT a morning person!
Before I started working at the school I would stay up an hour or so after everyone else went to bed and be with God. I really enjoyed being able to pray and worship without distractions. I'm still able to read the Bible with the kids around, but when I start to pray or worship there always seems to be an interruption.
I really have a heart for worship. I not only desire to worship, I need to worship! The bible tells us that He inhabits the praise of His people and I can testify to it! Nothing compares to the presence of God! How I long to be in the throne room of heaven, surrounded by multitudes of those redeemed, all singing perfected praises to the only One who is worthy! This is what we were created to do. Unfortunately, it seems now that the only place that I have to praise Him in privacy has been in the CAR. Though I'm sure it's quite a funny sight for the other drivers, I have to say it's not as fulfilling. So, I have decided the only thing to do is to develop a routine........sigh.
My husband and I have decided to get up everyday at 5am (gasp!). This will give us time to read and pray as well as time to fellowship with each other. Then, when I come home from work I can worship/pray for 30 minutes before getting the boys from school. Isn't it sad that we have to schedule in time for the Creator of time itself! Pray for me as I may struggle through this at first. I am NOT a morning person!
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Arrogance
For the past year or so, I have really felt like God has wanted more from me. It's the same feeling you get when you've forgotten to do something important, like pack your kid's lunch for school. It's just an uneasiness in the pit of your stomach. So, in November I began asking God to use me and I really started desiring to devote my life to Him.
One night in service the preacher suggested we ask God to reveal any sin still in us that would hinder us from being used. I prayed expectantly, but nothing was brought to my attention that night. A few nights later my oldest son was asking me questions about the Holy Spirit. After going over salvation (again, just to be sure!) I prayed that he would be filled with the Holy Spirit. During our prayer, I asked again that God would show us our sins (for Austin's sake, I thought).
During this time I had moved to a different school and wasn't feeling very welcomed by the staff. I had decided it was just because I had filled the position one of the girls wanted. Anyway, a few days after praying with Austin I was at work and feeling again like they just hated me. I got really upset. I was upset about all of it; the dramatic decrease in pay, the feeling of starting over at the bottom, and most of all, thought of being a freakin lunch lady. I called my personal prayer warrior (I highly recommend having one of these!) and after speaking with her realized that most people DON"T like me. It seems like everywhere I go there's conflict.....I should have known where this was going. She suggested it might be something I'm doing (yeah, right) so I asked her to pray with me, that if it IS me (cause it's not) God would show me.
As soon as I went back into the building the word "arrogance" came to me. No, that's not it. My mind must have been wandering. Besides, I had always struggled with self esteem issues and I had this desire in me to help people. Arrogant people don't HELP people! But then I was told (I guess, cause it wasn't me) all the ways I had been arrogant. Hmm, lets see if I can remember......controlling, impatient, quick tempered, emotionally detached, overly opinionated, flaky, lethargic, and so on. Suddenly, it was all so clear! God is so good! I prayed against it that night and felt sooo released. I had been corrected, but instead of feeling hurt or angry I felt love and mercy! I was reminded of Paul in Romans 8:1, there is no condemnation in Christ! I urge you to read Romans chapters 7 & 8. They have always been favorites of mine, now even more so.
We try to hold on to our personalities and serve God, but what we don't realize is that we are really holding on to our sinful natures. God didn't create me to be an angry, selfish, control freak! This is why we have to crucify the flesh/die to self. We can't serve Him and still be controlled by sin. All that is good in me comes from Him. I get it now, and I am so thankful that He showed me who I really was and why it was so wrong. I could go into more detail, but that about sums it up. If you ever feel like there's a blockage between you and God I totally recommend praying that same prayer. He has truly changed my heart. Oh, and in case you're wondering work has been great ever since.
One night in service the preacher suggested we ask God to reveal any sin still in us that would hinder us from being used. I prayed expectantly, but nothing was brought to my attention that night. A few nights later my oldest son was asking me questions about the Holy Spirit. After going over salvation (again, just to be sure!) I prayed that he would be filled with the Holy Spirit. During our prayer, I asked again that God would show us our sins (for Austin's sake, I thought).
During this time I had moved to a different school and wasn't feeling very welcomed by the staff. I had decided it was just because I had filled the position one of the girls wanted. Anyway, a few days after praying with Austin I was at work and feeling again like they just hated me. I got really upset. I was upset about all of it; the dramatic decrease in pay, the feeling of starting over at the bottom, and most of all, thought of being a freakin lunch lady. I called my personal prayer warrior (I highly recommend having one of these!) and after speaking with her realized that most people DON"T like me. It seems like everywhere I go there's conflict.....I should have known where this was going. She suggested it might be something I'm doing (yeah, right) so I asked her to pray with me, that if it IS me (cause it's not) God would show me.
As soon as I went back into the building the word "arrogance" came to me. No, that's not it. My mind must have been wandering. Besides, I had always struggled with self esteem issues and I had this desire in me to help people. Arrogant people don't HELP people! But then I was told (I guess, cause it wasn't me) all the ways I had been arrogant. Hmm, lets see if I can remember......controlling, impatient, quick tempered, emotionally detached, overly opinionated, flaky, lethargic, and so on. Suddenly, it was all so clear! God is so good! I prayed against it that night and felt sooo released. I had been corrected, but instead of feeling hurt or angry I felt love and mercy! I was reminded of Paul in Romans 8:1, there is no condemnation in Christ! I urge you to read Romans chapters 7 & 8. They have always been favorites of mine, now even more so.
We try to hold on to our personalities and serve God, but what we don't realize is that we are really holding on to our sinful natures. God didn't create me to be an angry, selfish, control freak! This is why we have to crucify the flesh/die to self. We can't serve Him and still be controlled by sin. All that is good in me comes from Him. I get it now, and I am so thankful that He showed me who I really was and why it was so wrong. I could go into more detail, but that about sums it up. If you ever feel like there's a blockage between you and God I totally recommend praying that same prayer. He has truly changed my heart. Oh, and in case you're wondering work has been great ever since.
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
Learning to Serve
I have been looking for ways to serve God with my kids. We do shoe boxes with Samaritan's Purse and we sponsor kids through Compassion International (which is great for getting pen pals!), but I want them to have a real desire to help others and to serve God. I gotta tell you, God just blessed me. While writing this, my oldest son brought me an assignment he did at school before the holidays. It's a Dear Santa letter and I have to post it:
I can't even think of anything to say to that! My point was going to be that unless we expose our kids to those in need they won't understand why compassion is so important. Maybe they are more aware than I thought. haha. Still, I would like to find an organization that they could help serve others.
We have recently been blessed to find a church that seems to have the same desire to serve and love people for God. I am so excited to grow and be a part of their out reach ministry! I have been wanting to go with them and sing at different nursing homes in our area.....BUT I seem to always chicken out at the last minute. I really WANT to, but I really don't know any of them and I kinda let that keep me from going. That sounds so bad! You know what that is.....it's that selfish nature again! I'm too worried about getting out of my comfort zone to go be a witness. Well, I've just got to get over it and dive in. OK, so Thursday night. I will go. No matter what!
Sunny Day Praises
I love sunny days. They warm my soul and fill my heart with praise for the One who created them. Even on the worst days seeing the bright blue sky makes me smile and tell God how great He is. I wonder how heaven could possibly be more beautiful. What a testimony creation holds for it's creator! To be formed from nothing yet to inspire the hearts of artists and poets by it's breathtaking beauty. That, is what God can do! With a word He designed the universe and with a breath His beloved humanity began. And for all He has given us, for all His efforts, the only thing He desires is our love and companionship. To be acknowledged by the crown of His creation. He is worthy of our praise!
Monday, January 3, 2011
Monday...
First day back to work after the holidays and though I was full of good intentions, AGAIN, it seems I didn't come through. I didn't sleep well last night which resorted in over-sleeping this morning and not having my prayer time. By lunch I had forgiven myself and when the conversation of fellow employees begin to be more personal than I could bare I simply went outside for "fresh air". I was feeling good about how the day was going over all, until (there seems to always be an 'until' doesn't there) I was assisting a substitute employee that doesn't generally work with us and she....gasp....belittled me. I hate that the devil seems to know my buttons so well. The one thing that gripes me more than anything else is disrespect. It's so rude!! Well, I let it slide the first few times, but eventually I let it get to me. I made a stupid, supposedly funny comment about how ridiculous she was to the manager....who by the way found my aggravation hilarious. It always feels so much better when you get things off your chest....for a second. Then I was just mad at myself for letting something so trivial cause me to stumble (AKA SIN). How can I be a true witness to others when I'm talking about them behind their back?! It may seem small and it was just between me and the manager, but character is still character. I could never say anything about the inappropriate conversations they have when I'm rolling around in the dirt too. That's just being a hypocrite! I don't like being hypocritical. I don't like my selfish nature, but this is a reminder that I need to keep seeking Him and quit letting my mouth rule over me. Hopefully tomorrow I will have better news to share. Day one....FAIL.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
Our First Love
I heard a message yesterday concerning witnessing to others about Jesus in everyday situations. One quote that I thought was revelatory had to do with how you live your life. He said, "You may be the only Bible someone ever comes in contact with". Wow. Even though we live in America where there is a church on almost every street corner, I think he was right. Because of our (the church's) lack of true commitment, it seems we have come across as judgemental, arrogant, hypocrites to those that we supposedly are trying to reach! Sorry if that sounded harsh, but it's almost like the church holds a sinner to a higher standard than itself.
Do we really think that since we believe Jesus died for our sins that it gives us "immunity" and we can continue in our sins? That's just not biblical. I'm afraid that the Christianity that we see today in our nation is a shadow of what it should be. We are to humble ourselves, serve others, and exalt the name of Jesus in all that we do! We need to fall in love with Him again. We need to remember why we are so indebted to Him. It's not about what you can and can't do as a christian, but rather where you keep your heart. If you love Him then you won't want to be separated from His presence for even a moment. Sin IS separation.
Sin builds a wall in between you and The One who faced shame, torment, and death just to tear it down. His love is better than any romance novel ever written. His love restores and forgives! He will never leave you, though you can willingly walk away from Him at any time. It's our decision if we want to be faithful to The One who loves us more than we could ever fathom. He's like the faithful husband of a wretched prostitute that brings shame and dishonor to him....but still, he remains faithful and loving. Not only do we have this kind of commitment from Him, but when we understand all these things and ask He is quick to forgive. He then fills our hearts with this perfect love so we can share it with others. Surely if we lived this truth we would be a walking testament to others.
Do we really think that since we believe Jesus died for our sins that it gives us "immunity" and we can continue in our sins? That's just not biblical. I'm afraid that the Christianity that we see today in our nation is a shadow of what it should be. We are to humble ourselves, serve others, and exalt the name of Jesus in all that we do! We need to fall in love with Him again. We need to remember why we are so indebted to Him. It's not about what you can and can't do as a christian, but rather where you keep your heart. If you love Him then you won't want to be separated from His presence for even a moment. Sin IS separation.
Sin builds a wall in between you and The One who faced shame, torment, and death just to tear it down. His love is better than any romance novel ever written. His love restores and forgives! He will never leave you, though you can willingly walk away from Him at any time. It's our decision if we want to be faithful to The One who loves us more than we could ever fathom. He's like the faithful husband of a wretched prostitute that brings shame and dishonor to him....but still, he remains faithful and loving. Not only do we have this kind of commitment from Him, but when we understand all these things and ask He is quick to forgive. He then fills our hearts with this perfect love so we can share it with others. Surely if we lived this truth we would be a walking testament to others.
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