The Storm

This has been a rough week for us. I was really questioning God and His purpose yesterday. Just a few days ago, I was praising Him for how much He has moved in our lives. But then, a bump. Then, a bigger bump. I found myself in despair again. Questioning if I was truly following His will. Funny how we can be so sure when we see Him moving, only to doubt when the devil attacks us. Does our faith really depend on the devil leaving us alone? I bet he hopes so. Today though it occurred to me. If we are facing opposition from the devil, then shouldn't that only confirm where we are?!

I don't think the devil cares if you go to church, sing half-hearted praise, and ignore God the rest of the week. I don't think he cares if we, under conviction, feel bad for the things we have done in life. No, I think he scoffs at our shallow prayers of selfishness and empty promises never to be fulfilled. We are no threat to him and his fallen kingdom. But, when we SEEK God's will, when we COMMIT ourselves, when we live to SERVE Him, then the devil starts to pay us more attention. See, when we die to ourselves and get FILLED with the Holy Spirit then it's not US just going through the motions anymore. It's God in us. Using us for His purposes. And He has got some MIGHTY purposes! The devil hates when we become followers of Jesus. You can serve any other god and he could care less. When you start praying for God's will, then ACTING on it, you become a target.

I know that it's hard to praise Him and to pray unselfishly when you're going through hard times. It's easy to give in to the pull of depression and hopelessness. But He is mighty and faithful. He will carry you in your pain. He will give you peace and rest, even in the storm. He will never forsake His people! In hard times, we should cling to Him even more. Give Him your burdens and worries. Give Him your pain and your hurt. Ask Him for direction. Cry out to Him. Just let Him hold you for a while. Let Him love you and restore your faith.

Praise Journal

I came across a notebook I had written in a few years ago that I had planned to keep as a praise journal. Is it just me, or does it seem like I struggle with consistency? Thank God, He's helping me to be consistent where it counts! Anyway, just wanted to share some of these. I hope it blesses you!

My soul yearns for you. Through every struggle for acceptance, it wasn't the world I needed, it was you. In every situation, I knew you were there. In a room full of evil, I still knew to whom I belonged. How quickly the shallowness of life engulfs us. Consumed by what the world wants us to be. Still, you are there. Waiting, watching, and yearning for us like our soul yearns for you. Blinded by our sins, we can't find you. But when we're quiet and still, you are there. When the world fails us, when our love disappoints us, when we are left with nothing but time to reflect, finally, we can see. Your perfect love was there all along. All this time, the directions we have seeked, the lovers we have known, the emptiness inside, it was for you. In all things we are seeking you. Your approval, Your love, Your purpose. Even if we are too lost to know it. Our souls yearn for you.

Bless this heart to be your heart . Fill it with compassion and love for others. Bless these eyes to be your eyes, to see your people the way you see them, perfected by your sacrifice. Bless these thoughts to be your thoughts, that I might know you and your will for my life. Bless this voice to be your voice, speaking your word and singing your praises all day long. Bless these hands to be your hands, doing your work and touching the lives of others for your glory. Bless this body to release the sin and death of this world and to be filled with your victory and life for all eternity. Amen.

Thank you Father for your faithfulness. In our time of need you are so faithful. It is because of your faithfulness to your word that we can find hope and healing. How perfect is your love! You are worthy of all praise, for you are good. Wonderful Councilor, Prince of Peace, Creator of life, the beginning and the end. How faithful is our Lord!

I long for you Lord. I pray you return to me Lord. Look upon me with mercy and wash me clean again. Come near to me. Surround me with your glory and fill me with your fire. Move through me Lord. Purge this temple of unrighteousness. Radiate from within. Strengthen my faith through the words you put in my heart. Rise up in me until your glory can be seen shining through this broken vessel, spilling on to those around me.

I want to be holy
I want you to know me
hold me in your hands
show me how to stand

I want to be holy
live for you only
walk the path you choose
loose myself in you

I want to be holy
wrapped in your glory
speak the words of truth
to the broken and abused

I want to be holy
filled with your mercy
wash me, make me new
I put my trust in you

You make me holy
Jesus, you know me
my heart abides with you
the chains of sin you loosed

You make me holy

Death, where is your sting?

So, this week I was worried. I had not been feeling well and it occurred to me that mother nature was running a bit behind for the month. I know, TMI, but I have a point!

 I was born with a defective uterus and, after carrying (miraculously) two babies, I was told that any future attempt would be 'catastrophic' and would likely end in my and the baby's departure from this world. During the cesarean for my second child the doctor told me that my uterus was so thin she could see his hair before she ever made an incision. If I had gone into labor or even picked up something the wrong way, it would have ruptured. I even lost my appendix a few weeks after he was born due to my uterus not expanding properly. He had cut off the blood flow. Looking back now, I am thankful that it had not ruptured while I was pregnant!  You see now why I would be concerned :)

After worrying for a few days I decided that no matter what I had to face, God was with me and I could trust Him with my life. So, I prayed again for His will to be completed in me, no matter what. I can happily report that I was not asked to test my faith any further...sheeew!!

Today I was looking back on all the ways He has protected me throughout my life. About four years ago, on the day before Thanksgiving, I learned that I have food allergies....the hard way.  I felt my throat itching and swelling and drove myself in a panic to the hospital. I did call my husband and tell him so he could meet me there, but the whole way there, there was only one person I wanted to talk to...Jesus! That was the scariest car ride I've ever had, but He was faithful to hear my prayers. In fact, not only did he get me there, but it took over an hour from my first sign of a reaction until I needed the EPI pen! Gotta say, out of all the ways you can leave this world, you DO NOT want to go out that way. I ended up having to stay over night and was lectured harshly about driving myself and not calling an ambulance. Not that that would matter next time, according to the doctor, I'd be dead before they'd even get to me.....scary thought.

Seems to me, when faced with the thought of dying, God is who you want. You want Him to hear you and save you. You beg for forgiveness and promise to live better. As I was pondering these things, I had a thought...if I would die with faith in God, then so much more should I want to LIVE with my faith fully in Him! I want to walk the path He has laid before me with confidence...and I can! It's easier when facing the thought death to reach out to Him in the hope that when you leave this world, He'll be merciful when you wake on the other side. When you're faced with death, no one else is with you. Your family may be close by, but you go through death on your own. There is only ONE friend that can comfort you in death. That friend is Jesus.

And if He is good enough for us to beg and cling to in scary times, then isn't He good enough to be served and glorified in our lives for the time he has given us here?! He is worthy of our praise. He is our redeemer, our saving grace. He is the breath that brought us to life and He'll be there to retrieve us when we give that breath up. Even if we deny Him, we are still partakers of the blessings He created. His sun shines even on the wicked, a reminder to us of His mercy. No other name in all of creation is above His name. Only He can humble the proud and empower the meek. There is no wisdom higher. There is no power greater. Nothing compares to the love of God......

Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? As it is written, For thy sake we are killed all the day long; we are accounted as sheep for the slaughter. Nay, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him that loved us. For I am persuaded, that neither death, nor life, nor angels, nor principalities, nor powers, nor things present, nor things to come, Nor height, nor depth, nor any other creature, shall be able to separate us from the love of God, which is in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8 <3